Tuesday, June 1, 2010

randomness sans pictures

Life has been so busy lately I haven't had time to edit the pictures from May yet and it's already June! Where does the time go?! At any rate, we have been doing things and I have taken pictures, but I figure I should at least post.... ok, that's not entirely true. I need to vent and this is my outlet. But there are good things to talk about, too.

Like numbers. The number 2: Abbie has TWO teeth coming through (on the bottom front) and I am so excited! This means solids are on the way (within 1-2 months we will start). Now to figure out what to start on and start preparing the food. I am going to make her food at home and freeze it for when it's needed. I have done some research on freezer trays for baby food but may end up just doing the simple and cheap route with ice cube trays. They aren't exactly 1oz, but they are close enough and I can get those at Wal-Mart, so we'll probably just go that route. The numbers 6-9: the size Abbie is wearing! I have officially packed away all of the 0-3 and 3-6 month clothes she was still wearing and we are now sporting cool 6-9 month outfits. Hoorah! And a number I don't even know: Abbie's hair is coming in and getting longer. A brush. I don't have a brush yet! Must get one. lol Not that it will be needed for a while yet, anyway. Although her hair is coming in, it's still slow in coming but it is finally coming in now. Again, the number 2: Abbie is getting closer to be able to crawl, she did two pushups the other night! So exciting! And terrifying. I have to baby-proof the house yet. Oh my. I want to set boundaries and off-limit items so she can learn not to touch when told, but there are still things to put away and things to cover up (plug-ins, etc.). The number 1: Derrick and I celebrated our first year anniversary. Wow, the time really does go by fast, I can't believe it was here already. We didn't do anything too special but I did make a white cake with white frosting. lol

Other non-number related items... Bath time: has now finally become FUN for Abbie. Although they are short baths, she is playing with toys and splashing the water now and it's fun to watch her. Babble has become more than just a word in our house. Abbie has started to babble and I fully understand the term now. It's so exciting every time she starts to babble and I hear something that sounds like the beginnings of a word I stop and hold my breath, waiting for more. Then I giggle and she stops to look at me with this question of "What is so funny?" in her eyes.

Life lessons. Sometimes they are so hard and I don't know how to get through this one. What do you do when there is someone in your life who negatively affects not only your life, but your whole family, and you aren't able to do anything about it? You just have to sit there and take it and "don't worry about it" but how can you not worry about it? This person does things that have a huge impact on your life but you aren't able to do anything other than sit there and deal with it. And said person doesn't care one whit that what they are doing has any affect on anyone else other than themselves. I compared said person to a drunk driver: someone who thinks what they are doing only affects themselves but when they get in the car and drive away and crash into someone else.... it doesn't just affect them anymore. But what can you do about it? When you don't get to change the effect it has on your life and there are people standing by who CAN do something and they won't? It's not that there isn't a solution, it's that *I* am not allowed do do anything about it. But other people can and they won't. They get to walk away from the situation because in reality, it's not going to affect them the same way it affects me and my family. They can do something and they choose not to. So I get to sit here and let the tears roll down my face because I am not allowed to do anything to make things better for me and my family. I have to sit and know that while I am physically and mentally capable of making a change, I am not allowed to. While life in general is great, this part of it absolutely sucks. It just sucks. It makes me sad and it makes me angry and resentful. Somebody who gets to do what they want and they don't care that it negatively affects your life, your husband's life or your daughter's life. They just don't care. It's like this great big dark cloud hanging over us that won't go away. It just gets bigger and darker and more ominous and scary and you know what it's going to do but you just have to sit there and.... what? Take it? Grin and bear it? I'm not one of those people that thinks everything in life has to be fair, but this simply isn't fair. And when you want to change it and can't, it's so frustrating.

So, while I haven't gotten past this thing yet, I am trying to just enjoy my daughter and the time I get to spend with her. Because I am so grateful that I get to stay at home with her and even though the first six months were so rough for me, the second half of her first year has started out great and I can't even begin to tell how much I love this little girl that we have been blessed with. She is beautiful and she is smart and I love her smiles. I love her laugh and I love how you can see a smile start in her eyes and work it's way down to her perfect little rose-bud mouth and then her whole face lights up. She is a little sunbeam and a gift from heaven. And I love being her mama! I want the best in life for her. And not just things - but the best people to surround her and to help her be the best that she can be. Loving, caring, gentle, kind, compassionate, sweet, funny, smart and happy. Those are just some of the things I want her to be. I started a list one time of all the qualities I want her to possess so I could figure out how we can teach her and guide her to be those things. And as I sit here typing this, with her sitting on the floor beside me, playing with her daddy's watch, she looks up at me with furrowed brow until I sing to her and then she smiles. She smiles even though I can't carry a tune. Hopefully she gets her Aunt Megan's ability to sing. Wow, that sends shivers down my spine. Megan sang at our wedding and I've only heard her a couple of times, but Megan sings so beautifully. Hopefully Abbie will get some of her Aunt's other qualities, as well. If Abbie can get the best of all of us....

No comments:

Post a Comment